Sunday, March 3, 2013

Who's on first?


This article recently popped up in my Facebook feed. It's all about how Giuliana Rancic,
Look at all the priests we had at our wedding.
who by the way I have no idea who she is, because I tend to be super clueless about celebrities and pop culture and all that, said she puts her marriage first before her baby.  Why this is news, I don't know, because I personally don't care too much about celebrities. However, the article did get me thinking about who's on first...as in who is my first priority.

 I find it to be an odd question actually...Who comes first..kids or marriage?. It seems like just another way to pit parenting style against parenting style. The marriage first people are all:  
My marriage comes first because that is the base of our family, and we never, ever, ever, ever, let our kids in our bed, and we leave our kids with a babysitter once a week for date night and twice a year for weekends away. And, when my husband and I are talking, my kids never, ever interrupt, and when my husband comes home, all my focus is on him.

Who lives like that? And, who has enough babysitters or preferably family, willing to watch their kids so they can go away on vacations alone twice a year...because whoever does I kinda want them to adopt me. (Just kidding, Mom).

And, then the kids first people are all:

We choose to have kids, and every single second of my day is devoted to my kids and if they so much as make a peep we come running, and we would never, ever, ever leave them with a babysitter or go to any childless functions and we spend every single second of every single day focused on them.
And to that, I just say...Are you crazy..because you must have way more patience than I do.
 
And, really...who does either of those things? Because, the truth is that priorities change...they change with the season, they change with the stage and they change in the moment. Sometimes the baby cries and wakes up and is fussy and wants to nurse .all.the.time and then she takes priority. And, sometimes Heidi needs help with a math problem or Greta needs help with her writing and that takes priority. Sometimes, John needs something or is having a tantrum, and he takes priority. And, sometimes, Ben and I are trying to have a conversation or spend time together and we kick all the kids (except the baby) out of a room so we can share a meal together or talk without anyone interrupting, and marriage take priority. And, sometimes Ben himself takes priority, like when I have to hold his hand while he fills out the bar application...except I can't literally hold it, since he needs his hands for typing and mouse clicking and all that. And, sometimes it is the hunk of meat sizzling on the stove that takes priority..because if I don't attend to it, it will burn. And, I would never, ever just walk away from something on the stove and let it burn. And, sometimes I take priority...because I'm working out or taking a shower or getting dressed or writing or doing some other totally pressing thing like Facebook and then I yell loudly call for someone else to pick up the baby or make John a peanut butter sandwich or whatever someone needs at the moment. And ,hopefully, all the the time, God takes priority..although not necessarily in hours spent in prayer each day, but in the way we live our lives, the way we treat others and the way we do our work. I know there is some famous quote about that...something about how a mother is called to leave the alter of prayer and find her Lord in the dirty dishes and daily work..or something like that. I don't know the exact quote or how to look it up, but I've always liked it.


Being part of a family is all about balancing each family member's needs, as they are, at the present moment.   It's not about who is most important or who takes priority or which came first, but about helping everyone work harmoniously together. Or at least that's the way it should be...not saying that's always the way it is..just the way it should be and the ideal we strive towards. I don't see my marriage or my kids as being more important...they both are..and they each take priority in different times and different seasons and different moments.

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1 comment:

  1. Aw! I like your post - very well done in the descriptions of how things jockey for position of priority.

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