Monday, March 18, 2013

My 25 best excuses for always being late

Hi, my name is Amelia and I am punctuality-challenged.

It's so bad that when we pull into our destination, the first thing my kids always ask is "Are we late?".

I didn't used to be this way.   BK, before kids, I used to pretty much always be on time.    Even EARLY on occasion.

I know, I know...those of you who know me IRL, in real life, are probably picking yourself up off the floor right about now.   But, it's true. I used to be relatively, on time for things.

Then those pesky kids started popping out and demanding things and, we're perpetually late.

Here's why..

 1. I can't find my keys.

 2. I can't find my cell phone.

 3. I can't find my glasses...which are sitting on top of my head.

 4. I remember at the last minute that we need to bring water bottles and have to fill them.

 5. ..or snacks, and I have to get them.
 6. ..or someone's homework/assignment and we have to find it.

 7. Someone can't find their shoes.

 8. ..or their piano books, or their binder, or their equipment, etc.,
etc., etc.

 9. No one heard me the first 50 times I yelled loudly called in a cheerful tone Time to go, put your shoes on.

 10. We walk outside and I realize for the first time that someone has their shirt on backwards

 11. ...or their shorts.

 12. And that same someone thinks wearing clothes the right way is just some silly custom and I spend 5 minutes arguing on why we shouldn't wear our shorts inside out and backwards.

 13. I realize as we are walking out the door that certain children have not yet brushed their hair today and it looks like a rat's nest and simply MUST be brushed before we venture out in public.

 14. A certain someone decides that the 15 minutes before we have to leave is the perfect time for a marathon nursing session.
 15  And then that same someone needs a diaper change after marathon nursing session.

16. Someone simply MUST finish whatever super, important, absolutely vital thing they are doing and if they don't finish it before we leave, THE WORLD WILL SURELY END.

17. Someone put on their dress shoes to walk to the park...or their sneakers to go to church.

18. Someone is suddenly STARVING and needs a snack.

19. As we're walking out the door, I realize that someone's clothes are dirty or stained and need to be changed.

20. We walk out the door and realize it is cooler than we thought and need sweaters/jackets.

21. We walk out the door and realize it is warmer than we thought and we will roast in jeans and long-sleeves.

22. Someone decides to ask A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION, just as it's time to leave.

23. Everyone has to go to the bathroom, at the same time...and we only have 2 bathrooms.

24. We MUST check the mail before we leave. 'Cause, you never know...this just might be the day that we get a letter informing us that we've just inherited $100,000 dollars from a long-lost wealthy relative..but we have to make the reading of the will by tomorrow or we lose everything. could happen.

25. I got lost...even though I've been there before...and even though I have a GPS...because I'm also directionally-challenged.

 So there you have it folks. If we show up late...pick one of these excuses and you'll have the reason why!

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